"You're a woman, and you know me better than anyone. With all my rages, temper, and anger, if you were in a relationship with a man like me, would you stay in it?"
I teared up.
"No."
I silently cried.
We talked for a bit. Winding roads of the mind often whip you around before bringing you back to the beginning of the turn you keep missing. Once again, he's getting divorced, loosing his property, business is failing, and that fork in the road looks oh so familiar....Except now he's 61 and realizing he can't keep making the same mistakes.
I finally told him that he has a pattern of seeking out crazy women to make him feel sane when his life goes to shit.
Out of anything I said, he heard it.
It's been a rocky few days. Shaun and I were talking on skype about Jeff's old shit, and I broke down. Memories of my brother not standing up for me and saying I probably did something stupid to deserve it, my mother telling me that my staying at her house after I broke up with Jeff was just me trying to manipulate her.
Really I had no where else to go.
Really deep down I don't trust people.
Maybe that's why I'm so sad.
If you look too deeply, anything will break your heart.
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