PMS. Stress. Probably lacking on protein. Definitely drunk. Emotionally hungry, running on empty, no returned call. "here for you in every way you need."
I'm absolutely over reacting. It's so strange to observe yourself while you're human.
But there's something so frustrating in reading in an online profile that you're looking for a relationship.
In fact, it really got under my skin. The thick shit that's supposed to protect my heart.
Am I taking it personally? yes.
Should I? ....
perhaps that's not the agreement. well, neither were these feelings.
I've never hated hanging out with my friends till you called me needing to talk, and I couldn't answer because I wasn't alone. 7 minutes was the difference of a window passing.
Have I missed it for your heart?
Are you really looking for a relationship? Whatever the fuck that means to you?
Whatever I mean to you?
Sitting in the dirty dark, thousands of miles away from you, I'm drunk with self-absorbed questions. Because I can't quite understand...are you advertising that to strangers? And if so...then I either failed or never had a chance in the first place....
So, I guess the real question is...which is it?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
20 minutes
It overcame me yesterday.
Under the shade of the trees we first peeked at each other from behind, I just started crying.
Fuuuuck. And again, this morning, prompting a 20 minute bucket load of feelings that are not supposed to be there, warm and fluttering to the surface like lilly pads.
I miss him. The grip your chest and twist your heart kind. And I'm so scared that in the wake of me saying "I love you" outside the swimming perimeter of good bye, there will be nothing but silence when the ripples come back from the other side of the lake.
And silence is stronger than words sometimes. Especially when I'm scared. It stretches times like rubber bands around my breath, pulling me lucid, distilling my being.
So if I have to live inside an hourglass, waiting to fall and be tossed upside down again, why not build sandcastles. Beauty is better when it's days are numbered.
But love? I thought we had an agreement.
Under the shade of the trees we first peeked at each other from behind, I just started crying.
Fuuuuck. And again, this morning, prompting a 20 minute bucket load of feelings that are not supposed to be there, warm and fluttering to the surface like lilly pads.
I miss him. The grip your chest and twist your heart kind. And I'm so scared that in the wake of me saying "I love you" outside the swimming perimeter of good bye, there will be nothing but silence when the ripples come back from the other side of the lake.
And silence is stronger than words sometimes. Especially when I'm scared. It stretches times like rubber bands around my breath, pulling me lucid, distilling my being.
So if I have to live inside an hourglass, waiting to fall and be tossed upside down again, why not build sandcastles. Beauty is better when it's days are numbered.
But love? I thought we had an agreement.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)