And we're adjusting.

Mama Lindsey arrived last night, and Dad's attitude flipped, as was expected. I found him crying in the kitchen; it's been a harsh reality for him to come to terms with the fact he drove his wife away, and is once again back to square one. Hugging, I told him that I'm here for him and locked my words into eye contact.

Last night I was stuck in a nightmare, having been accused of murdering Savannah, framed by an old man.
Wrists were slit.

coping

I am drunk.

More than normal. And still stoned over. Worst munchies day of my life ever. Probably downed half a pound of chocolate and crackers...about five cups of coffee.

Still couldn't wake up. Had to cancel shadowing David's restaurant product shoot today just to fucking take enough of a nap to function for the product demo for Volcano this evening.

Then Mama Lindsey arrived and the drinking really started for me. Copious amounts of chocolate.

I want to swim. I want to feel my body move freely again. Been so stuck in the same apathetic place, not wanting my heart to beat any faster than I can process the world and all of it's craziness.

And I'm supposed to go to South Carolina after this? Jeeeesus.

As of late I've been seriously questioning how I've been spending my time and what I'm really working towards. It's one thing to think that you're spending an enormous amount of time working to accomplish something when you're deceiving yourself as opposed to actually seeing results and the direct correlation between energy put into a project when you're in alignment with realistic goals. In other words I feel like I'm aimlessly wasting my time by thinking I'm working on some important project, validated only in my mind....

It's times like these I wish I had a drug stronger than weed or alcohol. Maybe sleep will save me for once.

The Golden Mean

just so happens to be a Golden Rule.

trembling dust bunnies

I had to stop going through my huge ass box of old memories packed away.

Out of no where, my hands were just shaking, my entire body was shaking. Emotionally I was fine, mentally I was fine, but damn. Just wasn't expecting that. Ate some veggies and sat down for a moment. Gonna hit up the thrift store and relax a bit. Snow's coming down pretty hard outside.

my glass eye

If ever...

If ever there was a time,

that was specifically created with the intention of me realizing the impact of a choice I was nervous about,

it was tonight.

Being there for my father during the past month was the best thing I could have done, and I'm finally satisfied with my choice. Validating him in person and seeing him glowing is profound. Holding his hands as he cried and holding space as he tried to explain...

Hugging my step brother Brandon and my Dad at the same time, sharing the moment of reunion and rejoice.

"Amazing how your heart can break and explode at the same time." - John Crago, 3-08-2010

letting the ball roll

I think right now I'm having the hardest time allowing the work relationships to continue on down the path without me. I've done my best to jam a limb in every door, eyes pleading the party on the other side not to close the door on me slowly. Cracking bones through splintered skin.

One thing I've noticed is that travel de-roots my sense of continuing realty. To energetically detach yourself from the clockwork hum of one side path of life to another place in which you must skillfully re-insert yourself without jamming the second hand, dodging slippery rocks.

Which brings my attention to the first hand, which is still in the first door.

What ends up happening is you give the world the biggest hug you can while you stay stretched in pose.

If life is going to force you to pose, why not make an impact.

"

Dear Mr. Kon,

Thank you so much for taking the time to teach us how to massage.  I’ve been anticipating these lessons since 3 years ago, when my older sister learned it through Health Academy.  And to tell you the truth, being able to learn how to massage is one of the reasons why I joined the Health Academy.  

On Friday, I was inspired by your massage therapists to take up massage when I’m older.  Like them, it won’t be a full time thing, but just a fun hobby on the side.  I really like massage because it heals people, and I want to do something to help them to relax and brighten their day.  

My massager on Friday was Ms. Amber.  I thought it was cool that she was also a photographer!  She was awesome.  After the massage, I felt so relaxed and didn’t want it to end.  She showed me where our lungs start, and that I should breathe through that section during the massage.  She also told me that my left side was really tense and that I should ease up on that side.  The massage was amazing.

I also thought that Ms. Karen was super nice.  Eunice, Diovi, and I were her massagers.  She was very friendly and encouraging.  She gave us some helpful tips on how to improve, and taught us the circling arm technique.

Thanks again, Mr. Kon.  I will never forget what you taught us.  Please send my thanks to your massage therapists for their awesome work!

Sincerely,

Nathaline Pilande

Health Academy Junior

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