coping

I am drunk.

More than normal. And still stoned over. Worst munchies day of my life ever. Probably downed half a pound of chocolate and crackers...about five cups of coffee.

Still couldn't wake up. Had to cancel shadowing David's restaurant product shoot today just to fucking take enough of a nap to function for the product demo for Volcano this evening.

Then Mama Lindsey arrived and the drinking really started for me. Copious amounts of chocolate.

I want to swim. I want to feel my body move freely again. Been so stuck in the same apathetic place, not wanting my heart to beat any faster than I can process the world and all of it's craziness.

And I'm supposed to go to South Carolina after this? Jeeeesus.

As of late I've been seriously questioning how I've been spending my time and what I'm really working towards. It's one thing to think that you're spending an enormous amount of time working to accomplish something when you're deceiving yourself as opposed to actually seeing results and the direct correlation between energy put into a project when you're in alignment with realistic goals. In other words I feel like I'm aimlessly wasting my time by thinking I'm working on some important project, validated only in my mind....

It's times like these I wish I had a drug stronger than weed or alcohol. Maybe sleep will save me for once.